And now for my next trick...

I wish to throw my support behind some less than respected members of campus, the litterbugs. To begin, even their title has negative connotations. They are not an insect by any means and their work helps secure jobs for many third world refugees and immigrants into this fine country.
Walking through campus today I was able to witness these folk hard at work, tossing gun wrappers on the ground, bottles, even still lit cigarettes, only having these items landscape beautification picked up moments later by one of the busy-bodies around the University. It is a shame that their creative genius and self-expression is so quickly snuffed, but this is what the University hires people to clean up. Also they are good for cleaning off tables, blowing leaves, and general maintenance work. Their job is also important as the typical University student has no time to spend cleaning up after themselves. This cleaning up would only be seen as being beneath them in any matter. I mean, you can't honestly expect me, the aspiring Med Student to have to clean up after myself. When I do finish school, I'm likely to work somewhere I can treat with the same disregard as school, and better yet, hire a maid to take care of my household.
What if every lawyer was forced to bus their own table after lunch? How many a trail would be thrown into jeopardy, to simply secure that the table is ready for use when you leave? What trivial a matter it is when it conflicts with something so much more important.
To further my notion, consider all of the jobs that wouldn't be needed if everyone cleaning up after themselves. Our infrastructure would collapse and thousands of immigrants would be out of jobs and deported immediately. I am not about to spend seventy-five hundred dollars (after books and bus passes) a year just to have the duty of walking the extra five feet to throw something in the garbage can rather than in the street.
Look at any given Campus. What do you see? A well tended, pristine location, free of leaves on the sidewalk or snow in the winter, beautiful green lawns, and most importantly, no crap that I chose to leave behind. Why? Because there is someone else to ensure that this is all done and tended to. These people have nothing else to do besides clean up after you. I mean, if they do have families and personal issues, the thought of such things would never plague their minds during work and they would stay focused on the job. Also be sure not to recognize their presence with a slight 'hello' or 'thanks' as this would only distract them from the job at hand, making them more irresponsible and wasting their time as well as your money. To help productivity, pretend that they aren't even there. Don't look up from your book, don't stop talking on your cell phone, and definetly, under no circumstances should you move yourself of any part of your body in order to help them. Over time they may come to expect this kind of action, and may become lazy, demanding more money for the jobs that they do if we stop thir gracious display of generosity.
Instead of recycling those bottles yourself, please, toss them anywhere. Some homeless person is likely to be around in a few minutes to gather them for the five cents that they are worth. Better yet, leave them at an LRT station and you won't even have to risk an encounter with the homeless, they can stay underground without you ever having to acknowledge their presence.
You are the University student, the one who is worth more than others in your field with years of experience but no formal education. When you graduate, you possibilities are limitless, so why waste time helping the common janitor, or thanking them, this would only disgrace you, talking to someone who cleans the bathrooms, and waste precious time.
Oh, and for those of you who overdosed on your 'Stupid' pills today, I'm being slightly sarcastic. Sorry this one wasn't as funny as some of my other enteries, but it really needed to be said. Houston this is Carly, signing off.... "click"