Brought to you by the letter F and the number 8

Well I'm trying to postpone the enivitable. I have an essay due, sigh, on this Saturday. Have started my twelve page essay? No. Maybe I've come with a plan or at least looked up the additional articles on reserve? Nope. How about finished the in-class reading (roughly 80-odd pages a day)? Nooo. Am I in deep trouble? More so than Frankie Muniz going through puberty. Lets face it, he isn't a great actor and aside from that whole kid-image he has going for him, he'll have a monkey on his back soon enough as he spends the rest of his days reliving those of yore when everyone thought that he was cute.
But back to procrastinating...
So in my many years of school I've learned... well, very little. That fact that I'm able to string together a coherent sentence is entirely thanks to years of being deprived of video-games, comics, and most of television. All there was really left was reading. Otherwise since then I've made up the rest, this includes essays, exams, labs, and other such useless activities.
In order to somewhat justify that I'm dropping four thousand, seven hundred, and nine Mickey-D's big Macs worth of cash on school I've decided to review what I've learned... today.
1) I can get from my house to the University in twenty-four minutes, if you can beat my time let me know and promise to lend me the monkey-navigated-jet-powered-rocket-sled you did it with. Oh, and that was during the noon hour rush, if there weren't so many stupid cars on the road I could have done it faster, or snow...
2) I can go without sleep, food, and survive entirely on Chai-lattes. I'm pretty sure it has cream, honey, and some kinda herbs in it so it MUST be good for me. Mmmm, I could use one right now...
3) Working forty-plus hours a week during finals makes you see things, but the upside is Morty is fun to talk to.
4) The guy who works in the Timm's Center Car park won't shut up, or can't. I'm trying to rush to my Phil class to drop off an essay due at eleven (FYI this is now 12:30ish), after I've told him that I'm dropping off an essay late and all he can do is stand around and try to explain why I shouldn't be so worried that it's late. SHUT UP!!! GAH!!! Oh, and I love having a car that fits into 'small car' stalls.
5) I can't read, and thankfully neither can my Philsophy Prof as the due date, while he stressed it was due at 11:00am or when the exam would have taken place, actually said 11:00pm in bold on the exam sheet. He emailed me permission to laugh at the blunder. This would have been nice to know after I became violently ill and remained so through my entire Biochemistry final at the thought that I've flunked one of the easiest courses I've taken.
And finally:
6) I will kill the next person who hums, twitches, wears perfume, or erases excessively during any final exam. DEAD!
Well that about sums it up and I should probably get to that English paper. Sigh, well I hope I brought y'all some laughs or at least postoned your studying, it was the least I could do. Wait, the least I could do is nothing, so no, it wasn't the least, but close. Yes. I hope to see everyone when the madness is over and I return to a normal state of functioning. Oh, and one more thing, is a heartrate of 126bpm normal? I think that's where I was sitting for most of the day and while I play a doctor on tv, I'm not actually one yet so I wasn't sure if I should carry my own defibrulator around or not.
Okay, that's it, really, done, fini, no more, nada, neltch, nippo.

If Santa had a grave he'd be rolling in it now

Alright, spoiler alert: if you are under eight or really young at heart or something like that, don't read the following, instead click on one of the many links on -> that side of the page. See them? All nice and pretty in lines, yes, go there, for the rest of us... read on.
Santa isn't real. You can't say that I didn't warn you. Businesses love the fact that a famous character is believed but entirely fictional. Why? He's free labour to sell your crappy product and you can have him say or do whatever you like. If Santa had a grave, some of the things that he's been doing would cause him to roll around in it.
I've heard and seen commercials recently, mostly portraying the jolly old elf as a stupid fat white man, selling everything from sex toys, to the regular kind. Believe it or not, Santa isn't too concerned about you getting laid, despite what some ads may have told you. For a guy that can get in and out of several billion homes in one night, I hardly believe that some kid hopped up on Pepsi is going to catch him, or he's going to stand around and debate about inhaling an entire large Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza. 'Help on-star my reinder's broken'? What the crap? I mean he has sweatshops filled with elves to do his bidding, I doubt that he's big into shopping at Rodgers Video, no matter how low their competitive prices are. I mean elves! C'mon! All you need to give them is a lifetime supply of tiny rolled up red shoes and they're happy, obviously they have a crappy union, but more importantly, they are pretty much free.
Another atrocity is those little figurines or portrayals of Saint Nick turning up in gift shops everywhere. Let me give you a demonstration before you start your rambing about how cute they are and how your life is better because of them... (imagination smoke filling the room *cough cough* ahem...) You go to visit a friend who invited you over for coffee. You haven't been to their place before so you figure you may as well. You ring the doorbell, they promptly answer, looking like they would any other time, but you are taken back. No, not by them, but their house is filled with unicorn/troll/dragon/fairy/clown crapobilia (figurines, memorbilia, pictures, posters, and other once useful products with a spin to match the overall decor). You smile, nod, and step inside, realizing that you've been staring wide-eyed right past them for a few minutes and they are starting to feel uncomfortable. No matter how hard you try you can't get past the eerie feeling that they are all going to gang up and eat your intestines, otherwise you have a delightful afternoon filled with coffee and biscoti, lively banter putting you at some ease.
Why is this any different from houses filled with snowmen or Santas? These are things that are imaginary or more fictional (snowmen are real, but not as shown, imagine a figurine of a half melted snowman with branches coming out of it's face and old grass throughout most of it because the neighbour's kids are kinda slow and that's as good as it'll get. It probably wouldn't sell very well). But back to my point... collecting Santas seems socially acceptable, but at the heart of it... still creepy.
So next time you see Santa selling a computer or maybe a George Foreman Grill, laugh at him and the below average advertisement firm that can't come up with anything better than the tired out cliche of 'Santa'. Hey, I have a final in two hours... maybe I'll start studying. See you all later, and don't forget... Santa is watching... bwa ha ha ha

Coffee and Hickeys, a reflection on the semester...

Seeing as how no one has been blogging lately, I have taken the responsibility on myself to continue on with the loosely adapted and short term tradition, and hopefully convince you all to continue to complain online so we can focus on me at coffee time. Plus with exams an the whole Christmas break they (University/work) so generously give us, I figure we still need to keep in touch or you're all going to talk my ear off when the new semester starts, and frankly, I just can't pretend to care for that long.
This has been quite a semester. I've managed to fully escape the wrath of the 'Facey Corner' and even make some new 'non-high-school' friends, it's exciting, you should try it sometime, basically think of the friends you have now... but they don't know every embarrassing story about you, like that time you... (yada yada yada) and new fun is to be had.
I think that one of the big defining aspects of this year has been relationships. Some of us are dating Hoovers and attending choir practice, others complaining about ongoing relationships, some analyzing the fine dichotomy between a cheerleader and Mr. Logic, others teasing certain individuals as to their presents, some in realationships that others hate them for, or trying to break up couples, this semester has been filled with googly-eyes, footsie, and other lovey-duvey stuff. I guess I can't really roll my eyes and make throwing up sounds anymore, curses. Although if I have to hear one more story about Taboo Shows or other recent purchases, rest assured I'll boot you in the face, well, shoe you because I don't have boots on.
It was this year that I found out that it is possible for a physics student to switch into poly-sci, or a business student to find MecE. Tuition can be paid months later, provided enough yelling has taken place, and genetics students can use non-crappy 'can I get into your genes?' lines to pick up chicks. Good thing there is no coffee for a while as I'd probably get punched in the face for a lot of this.
This has also been a semester of loss, well at least for me and let's face it, I'm the only one who counts. I recently lost both the Wagovan and Iggie, totally seperate accidents, mind you. But on a serious note, there has been tough times for everyone. The Cavalier is no more, there have been health issues of family and soon to be family. Plus most depressing of all is my stupid weather controlling machine breaking down... someday... Conclusion of this paragraph... crap happens, complaining helps, all will be well. Ta da
As for the future? Unfortunately this year is the last here for a lot of people, maybe they're going away or taking time off, or even graduating and trying to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun. This being said, Spanky must run for President, I need a frat house (and Ferrari), and you all need to come to coffee... or else. I guess it's kinda like high school when you realize that one day you have to actually step into the real world and do stuff, not like a lot of people have real jobs and pretty much base their lives around reality TV schedules, but you may have to work someday. Crap, I'm going to miss my car pool, and considering I drove....
This was realy just to hold you until I have more time so enjoy, read, maybe reread, oh, and go to my website of the week page which I've been updating. That's about it...
Happy trails to you... until we meet again...