I am so smart... S-M-R-T!

Alright, while I usually explain why the rest of the world is dumb in my ranting, I thought that today I would try something new and instead focus on why I'm a genius. This statement is limitless, for those of you not yet aware, my one goal in life is to be called 'unstoppable'. While I am content with this being used in any context (taking the scientific world by storm kind of unstoppable or on top of a bell tower unstoppable) I've always liked the idea of not being sniped off the top of something, so let's assume for the moment that I devote myself to the good kind of unstoppable...
While I have many an ingenious plan to torment friends or save insurance money, today I'm going to play teacher and try to explain evolution to those that aren't really interested using some ideas I came up with while riding on the bus (I think that I get some of my best ideas there due to lack of other things to do and trying to keep my mind off the accident report sticker still stuck on the front windshield of the Death-mobile)
Now in this blog I hope to explain the marvels of evolution for those who are less inclined to understand, well, science (hopefully you have some automotive background, though): oh, and by the way - this will be long, I'm not even going to pretend its not.
We replicate evolution in our everyday lives, and while it is believed that we are only able to simulate 'Lamarckian evolution' (you want to fly, you grow wings...) I think we also show Darwinian evolution (sometimes is screws you over more than when you started and you become extinct). My evidence for this is the automotive world.
A long long time ago in a place far far away (Ford motors corp in the 1900ish time) there was a car, or truck thing, the model T, in evolutionary terms we'll call it the first organism. It was boring, it had no stereo, tilt, cruise, or A/C. It had all of the basics like wheels and pedals and could do the same basic functions (think of those main things that makes vertebrates vertebrates, apparently gill slits, a tail, a mouth/bum, backbone...) but it wasn't really special. Since there was no competition, I think I can honestly say that it was the best selling car that year.
It starts to change, or evolve and grow into something less crappy... but lo and behold another car company would come into existence. Now we started to get things that could be suited for basic needs, like tractors (I know, they came first but just go along with this), trucks for hauling, fancy coaches... as they found their own niches they became more successful.
Then comes spreading, instead of them being only on one continent they move across the world, each type being best suited for a given environment (small cars in Europe/Asia while in the 'Americas' we all have fatty-mobiles).
In order to out compete others in the same classes (economy, midsize, and fullsize) they tended to change together and offer things that others didn't, (move from big block cars to more sleek and smooth). There are extinctions of poorly adapted cars (Aztek), while others pass on all of the good 'genes' as it evolves over time and takes over the category (Civic... yes, you are part of Civic Nation... bwa ha ha).
Pontiac shows one type of evolution, ie if one is good, five must be better (look at spoilers, lights, hood scoops...) while others try to become more and more gas efficient (Honda's new hybrid Civics and Accord).
We've also had 'retro' cars that don't necessarily become more complex in time but harken back to a simpler time when you could get a soda, movie about giant ants, and a dilly bar for 5 cents with enough change to ride the #22 Crosstown (300, SS, and loser cruiser) showing, like in evolution, that foreward isn't always better.
So if you are really into cars or evolution, you should be able to understand the other... voila. If you really don't care about either, just smile and nod, making me feel superior about my theory even though it really isn't that exciting.
Well that about does me for this week, or at least today... car show car show car show... it's like my Christmas, I can't sleep for nights before. Hope you are all having good days, oh and check out when you last blogged, if it was more than two weeks ago, please have someone kick you in the bum.
We must go forewards, not backwards, upwards, not forewards, and always spinning... spinning... spinning...

A tribute to brown liquids...

Have you ever thought about how some of the best things in life are, well, brown? This doesn't apply to everything, mind you, especially when it comes to cars, but some of the best liquids that we are faced with everyday are brown.
This may seem kinda disgusting at first, but let me explain, by the end I know you'll be so convinced that you'll join my minion army with only a minimal amount of chloroform and promises of all the fish heads you can eat...
1. COFFEE: this could be one of the greatest drinks ever. Just look at the number of places that are devoted to this fine beverage. There are at least a bajillion places you can go to endulge in this fatty treat, oh, that's right. Check out http://starbucks.co.uk/en-GB/_Favorite+Beverages/Nutritional+Information+-+Frappuccino%C2%AE.htm if you think I'm lying, especially check out the whopping 24 grams of fat in the chocolate cream frappicino, sorry but I needed to ruin someone's day after my stupid prof was well, stupid.
2. COKE: whether you side with the guy sniffing cocaine or Brittney Spears, this multi-million dollar industry has probably got you hooked with one of their mainstream "original" flavours or one of thair new 'spin-off' varieties like the Christmas Spice Pepsi or Crystal Coke, they own you. Oh, and here's someone's useless blog on how to 'hack' a coke machine, http://www.i-hacked.com/Misc/Random-Stuff/Hacking-Coke-Machines.html, I'm really doubting that it works, but if you have nothing better to do...
3. CHOCOLATE: I know, this isn't the best of headers because it isn't an actual drink, well unless you like the taste of straight-up fondue, but I'm talking more about the many varieties that are available and drinks devoted to the cocoa. You have hot chocolate, chocolate and coffee, milkshakes, that new thing from Starbucks (like a fondue) or other varieties that I'm sure were magnificent flops at one time or another.
4. TEAS: this is only getting to be big thing now, well I guess it was in China for a while and then England for a bit, but I'm not there so it doesn't matter. Anyway, have you ever looked at loose tea in a pot (you need a clear glass pot unless you're 'Superman' and can see through measily ceramics, in which case can you go back in time so I can kill my Prof's Grandfather, thus preventing him from telling me I'm stupid? Thanks. But it is brown, and kinda has floaties in it, all in all, not really aesthetically pleasing.
5. OTHER CARBONATED DRINKS: yes, I know, this is pretty general, um, well root beer, (who had the bright idea of making beer from roots in the first place? That's like eating the first egg or drinking milk... probably a dare ... (cloud of imagination enshrouds the computer and you as you are taken back to old timey time... "Well, Jethro, I dare ye to eat the first thing that emerges from ye chicken's arse...", "You have yerself a deal!"... cloud dissipates as I consider the ever-growing evidence against evolution and survival of the fittest). But yes, there is root beer, and others that I can't think of now...
That's about all I can come up with, guess I'm kinda tired or something, I shall retreat back into sweet sweet caffeine, I don't have a problem... you do... yeah, that's it, bwa ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha... ho ho ha ha ha (disappear in a fit of manical laughter).

Maybe if I fire a shotgun into the sky...?

You aren't special, well, sort of but not quite. While you may be viewed as 'helmet special' or should have your own Olympics kind of special, you probably aren't unique or different from the greater portion of the other six and a half human beings that occupy the planet.
Take blogs for example, in that little bar you can fill in above my title fill in the www. (insert random title here) .blogspot.com. Go ahead, fill in anything. I can guarentee that you could cut and paste one of your own entries into the blog that pops up and very few people would notice. Everyone creates this in order to establish their own little corner of the internet, to somehow make in personal and welcoming when really our own perspective of what it should be is so similar that the personal aspect dissapears entirely.
This is my same stand on anything creative such as writing, art work, or cooking for example. Take a few minutes to think of the most obscure meal that you can, such as sardines and peanut butter cake, ten to one someone has made it, ate it, and maybe even enjoyed it or got themselves a trip to El Stomacho Pumpo on more then one occasion. The truth of the matter is, it has all been done before.
In days of yore, really yore (think Ancient Greeks) they came up with all of these scientific ideas, then they were taken and changed over the years leading to fundamental truths of today. It still came from something. No matter how ingenious an idea may be, it stems from some idea of the past. The problem is that it's now required to be this way, society is forcing us to throw away any imagination or creativity and either refute or strengthen past arguements rather than develop something completely off the wall.
We study history to learn from it, read the Classics in order to base our works on the same guiding principles, or even be told what we like in television, fashion, and culture. As time progresses it becomes more and more impossible to have something 'new' and creative arise from someone's mind, but we need to dare to dream. Look at anything Leonardo DaVinci created, very little actually existed from which he could draw upon, instead he created what should be, not only what could be.
I think that there is a part to everyone's brain, um, let's call it the Carlego Center, yup, I'll have something named after me, that keeps you from realizing how small and insignificant you are with no real contributions to society. Think about where you are now, how many people are around you within two meters? Ten? One hundred? And not only that, think about time, you are going up against all of humanity, space, the universe. You are small. Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it's about time your Carlego Center got a swift kick in the patooty.
Why am I being so obscure and negetive? I'm not entirely sure. I mean if I really believed in all this I should lie down in a corner and wait for death, but apparently my Carlego Center is doing its job, so I'll just write in my blog under the false hopes of fame and delusions of grandeur. I wonder if they have a Pulitzer prize for blogging?...

The ever anticipated 'Tales of Carly'

Alright, so here I am, giving y'all crap because you can't get your act together and actually compose something of medial intelligence providing some escape from reality when I've totally shunned my responsibility to you, the eager readers who anxiously await my gems of wisdom. Well here it is, another exciting adventure into te world of blogging, today's topic: "How the Crap did they get into University?"
My tales begin in the hallways, parking lots, and bus stops, I shall now examine them in this order. Oh, and before I begin, I know the stupidity of students has been pointed out countless times, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to... cry if I want to... you would cry too if stupid people bothered you... Now back to the pointish thing I'm trying to establish. Wow, this keyboard is crap, now really on with the show. Walk in the hallway. Don't stop in the middle when you recognize you boyfriend's sister's neighbour that you really want to catch up with. If your cell phone starts ringing, feel free to answer it, but why do you need to stop to talk? I mean you're paying six odd grand to come every year, the least you should be able to do is posses the co-ordination to walk and talk. People have been doing it for years. Next, if you don't have a stop sign and the other direction does, you don't have to stop. If someone has begun backing up, maybe you should consider waiting until they are finished before you decide to 'give er pig' and reverse into them. When exiting a bus, don't walk directly into traffic. Sometimes cars go down these things called 'roads' and while you may believe in yor oblivious state that you are in fact invincible and that a one-ton truck can stop on a dime, much less a bus so that your sorry self can skip down the middle of the bus lane consumed with thoughts of that dreamy guy in your minerology class. You will splatter just as well as anything else that bus hits.
Next I come to cell phones. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND PURE SHUT IT OFF!!! I can't stress this enough. Believe it or not, not everyone in the class wants to be torn away from their $25.00 class because of you cell phone's crappy two-bit rendition of 'In da club'. If you are dumb enough to not turn off the ringer, please do not answer the phone. Oh, what's that? Sally found the cutest pair of shoes? Oh good because I need a new pair to wedge into one of your orifices.
I can understand someone coming late to class, say five minutes, because of bus trouble or having another class far away, but coming into class five minutes before it is over just to chat with someone you kinda know and need to catch up with should evoke a shooting pillar of flame to rise from the seat your miserable hiney is occupying consuming you entirely and ridding the world of your uselessness.
Wow, that was a long sentence. Now before I miss the bus I'm going to leave. I hope you are all having fun getting back into the groove of things, and I promise that my next blog will have some actual substance.
Oh and I got a new poof machine for Christmas so... *POOF*