Everyday in every way I'm getting better and better...

... or at least that what the tapes are telling you, truthfully, though, you aren't. Somewhere around the ripe old age of birth, your body stops making telomerase. This translates to magical little body-gnomes that keep your body from slowly destroying yourself. Yup, that's right. Every twenty-four hours as your cells complete their reproduction cycles, the instructions that they follow to make you the fantastic person you are get a little bit shorter. Really it's only like removing the word "Zulu time" but removing enough of these words over years and you start to lose important stuff. Does this mean that one day your nose will just fall off, no longer remembering how it made itself? No, well, maybe, but I don't think so and I know everything. So no. But all of those fun diseases arise when your instruction manual has pages falling out, or you are just left with the French side, and lets face it, no one really knows how to read French.
Is this depressing? Yes, most definetly. Better yet to haunt you are the thoughts that you actually begin to die following age twentyish. You are no longer growing, but dying. Although you can take some comfort in the fact that your nose and ears will continue to grow through your entire lifetime. If you live to be a hundred, really you'll just be a golf ball with three large protruding nubies with orifices in each. Mmmm.
Now you are probably asking youself, 'well Carly, seeing as how I'm incapable of independent thought and think most highly of you... where are you going with this and why are you being so negative?' Gather 'round my children and ye shall hear my words of wisdom...
Enjoy everyday. That's it. I mean, death is inevitable and I'm not saying that you should totally blow off all work and school just so that you can spend that extra little bit of time visiting the monkey house, but don't be afraid to do those things in the everyday to make life a little bit better. Make up a list of things that you want to do. For example, one such list may be as follows:
1. celebrity to kill list completed
2. car soccer
3. crap-throwing-monkey-shot-gun-wedding
4. take over world
5. bake muffins
I mean it is really as easy as that, just a list of things that you want to finish before you die.
Live everyday like you really don't care what others think about you. If you waste all of your time worrying about what others think of you, it's really a waste of time. If you jump on a random bus and start singing 'on top of pasgetti' (sic) at the top of your lungs, half the people will be impressed by your fantastic rendition and offer you a spot on American Idol, while the other half will at least be mildly entertained. All in all no one will know you or remember anything five minutes after you get off.
Write an exam that isn't yours. You can just draw pictures the whole time and hand it in. Yell at someone in public about something really stupid. It isn't a real fight if you argue with them over the pronounciation of the word 'potato'. Play in the kiddie pool, camp out in a tent in walmart, have a game of hide and seek in Ikea. Start a reality show, become the owner of Fox tv.
With all the death and destruction going on in the world today it's all a matter of time before you get hit by a piano falling out of a third story window. As one of my friends described life "its a big game of baseball, where we are all out in the field and everyone is spinning and blindfolded and you never know when you'll get hit". It doesn't make a lot of sense, but maybe you can get something out of it.
I shall leave you with this thought to ponder today. Your mission, if you chose to accept it, do something that you are embarrassed to do. From Starsky and Hutch "do it - do it". Now I shall stretch my bottom lip over my head and swallow myself into oblivion, gulp.