I wish I was an animated cell cartoon

Ah yes, with a title that intriguing, you are probably thinking that I'm off my gourd, but it's true. Wait, did I just say 'off my gourd'? Wow, that could be the stupidest thing I'll say today, well, at least in the next five minutes, mostly since I'm in the library and have no one else to talk to.
But seriously folks, this carrot walks into a bar and... no, wait, different blog. Clearly (thanks Dave) you can see how stupid most cliches are. Allow me to explain... gather round the campfire as an old fogey tells some tales about days gone by or how there was no downhill invented when they were growing up. First off, what would I be doing sitting or standing on a legume? I mean I may not be Thunder Thighs per se, buy I'm no Ally McBeal, I would squish the stupid thing to begin with. There is no feasible way for me to be standing on said gourd in order for me to be off it. Why would I be on a gourd? And why do I keep saying the word 'gourd'?
Take the 'skin a cat' cliche. How many ways must one skin a cat to be totally satisfied in the first place? According to my zoology class there is only one way to do it, and it has been demonstrated in a step-by-step video. Honestly, though, I mean you remove the fur off the animal, I don't need great detail or multiple methods to do so.
Another favorite of mine is 'killing two birds with one stone'. Do you know how FREAKING impossible this is in the first place? You can't do it! No! I mean, maybe if you had a bucket full of small flightless birds and the were kinda drugged up so they don't pull some kinda 'Finding Nemo' and all beat their brains out against the same side of the bucket, you would still need to be on some kind of cliff side with a boulder to in fact guarantee that you are able to smite two of the little fellows. Maybe if they lined up... NO! This is stupid. Why would you want to kill two birds with the same stone, are you really that lazy that you wouldn't be willing to bend down and pick up a second rock to hurl at some defenseless chickadee... well, maybe not defenseless, ever see "The Birds"? But really, not an easy task. Even hitting one of the tiny flying rats would require the skill that most professional pitchers would lack.
Ah yes, and a shining example of how these sayings become useless over time can be found with 'slower than molasses'. When was the last time that you used molasses? Do you even know what it is? I mean no one uses the stupid stuff anymore. Thanks to the psycho-Atkins diet school of thought, the closest you can find now is some kind of carb-free watered down syrup, useless as a book explaining how to read, and so watery that it soaks right through pancakes, making them mushy and depressing. Oh, I love pancakes, I wish I was eating some right now... But use something relevant, like dial up internet or Bush trying to construct an argument. Molasses? What the CRAP?!?
Oh, and I give you full permission to tell the older and wiser generation to cram it, and now I will tell you why. How many times have you been told that television, movies, songs, music videos, and video games are too violent and project a negative image? I'm not saying that every eight year old should be allowed to play GTA:Vice city, but I do have a point. Try reading the original "Little Mermaid" by Hans Christian Anderson, maybe Humpty Dumpty, or Ring around the Rosie. What do all of these have in common? Aside from being neutered by Disney, they are all sick and violent, filled with death, destruction, sex, violence, cheating, lies, and terminal illness, just like 'Passions' without the midgets. How are children supposed to be all sweet and innocent when there are being sung to sleep about babies falling out of trees? Is this a good mental image? CRAP NO! I mean, you may as well add a catchy tune to the latest Marilyn Manson song and hum that to you child. And what's up with clowns? When did a man in his late fifties, dressing up and playing with children ever seem like a good idea? As far as I'm concerned, if we would have all grown up without any violent ideas being planted in our heads, things might have stayed that way. But even with the sheltered upbringing, escaping from these influences is impossible.
Ah yes, the part of the show where I tell you what to do. Come up with some soon to be popular cliche that doesn't involve violence, something ridiculous, or outdated. Post it as a comment and try to use them in everyday life.
Now go... it's too late for me... SAVE YOURSELVES!
Oh, yeah, that animated cell thing, um, well... I'll remember that for my next blog, oooh, there was something else... ah, it'll come to me... LIKE A FOX. Okay, really bye this time.