If I had a million dollars...

With all due respect to the Barenaked Ladies, a million just doesn't cut it anymore, so for blogging purposes, I shall assume that I am in the possesion of a gajillion dollars, or 'X' amount. For those of you keeping track, I have created this term and used it to reference enywhere from .125 to an infinite amount, assume the latter through my proceeding conversation.
To begin, I need to play a game of car-soccer. Many of you have heard about this idea, it, well, involves cars, and a really big soccer ball. I have played, shoot the Mustang spinning around on the skating rink, so I can only imagine the fun of driving cars into each other in vain attempts to shoot the ball into a net could be. I think that I'd need a helmet, and lots of walls around the thing so that the ball didn't bounce out. On this topic, I also think that a game of laser tag in go-carts down the Whitemud would also be fun. Yes, I must do this.
I would hit up a drivethrough, eg) TacoBell or MickyD's and purchase a number of burgers/tacos to the power of three. For those of you confused by numbers, that can range from 1000-9999 of the little grease balls. Then I would drive around town in a convertable giving these to people.
I would rent a one ton moving truck and return it full of spagetti. But I'd do this at night so that they wouldn't realize it was full of the stuff.
I'd pay people to shut up, all of the time. In fact, I'd hire people to follow me around, paying off people who annoy me to go away. I mean, what's a couple hundred compared to my sanity? Or what's left of it?
Next I'd buy at least 100 garden gnomes and place them all on remote controls that are attracted to movement, so that as you come up to my house (especially salespeople) the gnomes would slowly follow you when you weren't watching them. He he, I guess that could ruin a person for life, but at least it keeps me entertained for a while. Oh, and I'd go national with my Spanky the Wonderelf campaign. Bwa ha ha, I really think that he could take Bush/Kerry, just so long as he has hot and intellegent twin daughters.
I'd go into crappy businesses that don't make it (ie As seen on TV) and buy out everything. Ah yes. I'd do good.
Crap, I have to catch that bus thing... hmmm, I think that I'll make this a two-parter, everyone loves those, a who shot Mr. Burns for those of us not old and dying, or um, who shot JR? I think that's it, some old crappy show that I've never seen did the same thing, but I'm pretty sure they stole the idea from the Simpsons.
The END....?
Do do do... to be continued....