Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Ah yes, language... this is the divine gift that sets humanity apart from the animal world and keeps up from sitting in the bushes poking berries up our nostrils, (at least this side of the border). Language is tied into absolutely everything, from the clicking of tongues of African tribes, to the Tower of Babel, and rap slang, to Shakespeare it is all a load of crap. In honor of my disenchantment with language at the present moment, I shall have language themed paragraphs, illustrating my point that language itself is so arbitrary that we need a new infallible system.
So, yo, da shiznat's all, um... scratch that one.
So, like, there's all these words, and like they all mean stuff *giggle*but you know. Yeah, so like these words are all like "I mean stuff" yeah, and some, like are just the same stuff but like people change the stuff so that, like you know, they can mean, like you know whatever *giggle*.
Click click, grunt, knock knock grunt. Click knock knock, grunt, spit! Grunt! GRUNT! Click click knock.
Methinks that thy English language, over many a fornight, hast becamest a language with certain gross downfalls as all may interpret it as they whilst. Thy words can turnest against thy master or becometh the lamb of which they mayest use. Now I shall smite you all...
Okay, well that was annoying. My point is that any word can be interpreted in a million different ways, well maybe not a million, but at least twenty-seven. If someone is say, talking about the 'englightnement' philosophers will create a paper simply to argue their definition and define it another way, and then someone will argue with them. This arguing will escalate and eventually spill over into war over trivial manners. I mean, if we all just had one easy unambiguous language, all of this misinterpretation could be avoided, and I wouldn't have to take this English class. But no, instead the language is stupid and people give what ever meaning they want to things, making it absolutely useless.
Allow me to demonstrate, as much as I hate to use math, it works. If we say that 1 + 1 is 2, I know, complicated but try to keep up, or at least fake it (smile and nod), but all of the sudden, Wordsy McWordserton decides that 1 could be 3, so 3 + 3 is 2, and then his arch rival Talky Talkerson decides that 3 is 2 and thus 2 + 2 is 3, but 1 isn't 3 and 2 isn't 1... I think that just made it more complicated.... um, (stupid 'poof' machine is at the cleaners, looks like I'll have to use my good looks to get out of this one...).
But you can see that if math were like English, the entire thing would fall apart due to interpretation, and mathematicians head's exploding from all this paradigm shifting without a clutch.
Oh, and my favorite thing is poetry (soaked with sarcasm so not to be interpreted as truth). I mean someone writes the words "my cow is blue" and instantly it is a great work, describing the communism spirit that is alive and well, breeding under the capitalist regime, no wait... it is actually about a young girl's struggle against society in a world where she is shying away from sympathy while combating terminal illness, or is it... no SHUT UP, THE STUPID COW IS BLUE! It got too close to a can of blue spray paint that was left in the sun and exploded. Blue, that's all! No dying girl, no bloody revolution, just a can of paint and a cow! Gah!
So next time you hop on into English class, just for kicks, come up with the most far-fetched interpretation of something you have read. The Prof can't argue because the author is probably long gone or too old to remember that they wrote the stupid thing, so in all honesty, you could be right.
Now go my children and spread this knowledge throughout the land, or I shall smite you all! Begone!