Why I cry out of speeding tickets

I've heard it all before from many a guy, "Carly, I hate you SO much for playing the girl card!". For those of you not already thoroughly entertained by my stories of illelegalities behind the wheel, allow me to enlighten you. I speed, lots. That out of the way, I am not ashamed that I have screamed at cops, cried, blamed my boyfriend, cried some more, ran from cops, or other manifestations of the "girl card" to get out of a ticket.
To begin, most girls at some time or another will do this kind of thing to avoid the outrageous fines and an increase in insurance. This is not to say that I support wreckless driving. I swear, and stand by my threat, that if you cut me off, WITHOUT signaling, I will shove a wiener down your throat and a hungry dog up your rear-end, while kicking you in the nuts/ovaries as the case applies. My two rules, always use your turn signal, and wear a seatbelt. All in all, fairly simple, for other rules, I just don't care. Although the old guys in fat cars driving with cataract glasses on or brail on drive through ATMs does scare the crap out of me. But back to why I could care less what you think about me.
Guys have it easy. They really do. For starters, you can wear a baseball cap when you don't have time to shower and it isn't questioned. A girl doing this, on the other hand, instantly implies that she is hiding something or she is a jock. Thus, if you are like me, showering, even when you hit the snooze button nine or ten times, is not an avoidable option. Then you have makeup. Don't get me wrong, this is one thing that is nice for girls. Massive red spot or zit - just use cover-up, meanwhile the male counterpart would be questioned on sexual orientation or being over-enthusiastic about the soonest Kiss/Elton John concert. But if you are a guy, check some of the prices on these tiny bottles of chemicals next time you hit StupidStore. They are FREAKING expensive. I mean that one thing that you usually poke yourself in the eye with (all in the name of beauty) and then can't see and have to get rushed to emergency can cost ten bucks, easy. And you need more! Clothes are another thing that is uber-expensive. You show up in sweatpants with something written across your bum, nice for school spirit, but every other girl around is all like "hmm, yo' mama dress you?" (FYI, the correct response isn't actually yes, even if it is true, this just furthers their 'backtalk'). Oh, and if you can fit the entire word "princess" or "university of so-and-so random fierce creatures" across your backside, you are probably not the type of person who should wear those pants.
Ah yes, and there is the inevitable topic that causes men everywhere to quickly change the station when the commercial comes on TV. Also expensive. Not just said products themselves, but the drugs required to keep us from clawing your eyes out and ripping off your limbs, beating you into unconsciousness with them.
Hair is another expense, one I avoid, but one none the less. That streaking and dying and everything else girls do to impress men is obscenely expensive! I mean I can install more glow-lights or a muffler that sounds like my car is constipated for half the price.
This comes to a sizeable sum, all to keep men happy, and competition between women high. THIS IS STUPID, so excuse me if I cry my way out of a $50.00 ticket, I really don't have the cash to spare.