Innocence lost

Well I've reached yet another dissapointment in my life. Allow me to reflect on such dissapointments through years gone by as to set you up for the shocking revelation, um, revealed to me today. I know, revealed... revelation, SHUT UP! Okay, with that said, I shall continue on.
First we have the creepy old fat man who spies on you. His life is dedicated to sneaking into your home and watching you sleep, maybe even leaving certain 'surprises' for you, and forces you to behave a certain way. Oh, did I mention that he only does this with children? Now before you wonder when Michael Jackson gained weight, let me further describe this childhood 'hero'. He abuses animals and little people, having them work for him night after night, year after year with no pay or benefits. How can someone accomplish such atrosities? Easy. He keeps them locked away in the middle of a frozen wasteland, impossible to escape as they'd freeze before reaching help. And what do we do? We welcome him, even leave food, and celebrate this character, turning it into a multi-billion dollar franchise started by Coke and Hallmark. If you are still really dense, I'm taking about Santa, Kris Kringle, Pere Noel, the Jolly Old Elf and other such endering names. What does this have to do with anything? Well back when I was about six or so my Dad had his friend from work call our house claiming to be Santa, of course I recognized his voice and the magic was over. My six-year old dreams of getting my first monkey or flame-thrower came to a crashing halt.
Alright, thus far, pretty normal. I mean, all kids should really reach this revelation at some point, so I'm not really complaining. The next great dissapointment was with my first civic. This was, however, at least ten years before it became my civic. While shopping in Edmonton, every-so-often the wagovan would get a mind of its own and bring the family to Bullwinkles, despite my father's vain attempts to cruise over to a new development of showhomes. When I was tall enough to kind of see around the seat I found out that - gasp- he was steering the car, but only with one hand and at the bottom of the wheel that I couldn't see. Alas, that was a sad day. My childhood dreams of owning the next Herbie and fighting crime together were shattered and I realized that I would actually have to do something with my life.
Another horrific realization, although I don't really remember this one, was my apparent dream of becomming a cook. While cleaning out the basement, I found a box with a 'Carly chef' doll and tiny cooking implements, oh, and a really 'old-school' easy bake oven. My parent's went through how I had loved to cook when I was four or something, and wanted to be a cook when I grew up. Dad had built a mini kitchen for me, (FYI he also built a mini gas pump with working lighs and display, which we used a lot), in hopes I would achieve these dreams. Um, well, I think that you all know how that went. I really hate KD. GAH STUPID STRAINER WITH HOLES IN THE BOTTOM! FOUR TIMES, HOW CAN YOU RUIN KD FOUR FREAKING TIMES?!!? Now on with the show...
Today I learned how the caramilk gets into the caramilk bars. It was the most dissapointed I have been in a while. There are no gnomes, oompa loopas, magic wands, or happy theme songs, crap there isn't even any futuristic machines or cool proceedures. In fact I already knew how they were made, but my hypothesis was so crappy and unimaginative that I threw it out. I really don't know how anyone could ever be amazed or confused. In fact, it is too stupid to even explain. Just think of the most mundane and boring way and that's it, minus the pretty colors, and happiness...
Well at least I still have the magic that is bubble-wrap creation. Don't tell me how it's made, if you know, I still yould like to believe that they employ thousands of tiny orphans blowing into straws as the sheet of plastic rolls along the assembly line. That about wraps, he he, wraps, up today's thrilling episode of Carly's Life... tune in next time to see how she gets out of her next caper! Don't forget to eat your Wheaties (do they still make Wheaties? Do people still eat Wheaties?).