Brought to you by the letter F and the number 8

Well I'm trying to postpone the enivitable. I have an essay due, sigh, on this Saturday. Have started my twelve page essay? No. Maybe I've come with a plan or at least looked up the additional articles on reserve? Nope. How about finished the in-class reading (roughly 80-odd pages a day)? Nooo. Am I in deep trouble? More so than Frankie Muniz going through puberty. Lets face it, he isn't a great actor and aside from that whole kid-image he has going for him, he'll have a monkey on his back soon enough as he spends the rest of his days reliving those of yore when everyone thought that he was cute.
But back to procrastinating...
So in my many years of school I've learned... well, very little. That fact that I'm able to string together a coherent sentence is entirely thanks to years of being deprived of video-games, comics, and most of television. All there was really left was reading. Otherwise since then I've made up the rest, this includes essays, exams, labs, and other such useless activities.
In order to somewhat justify that I'm dropping four thousand, seven hundred, and nine Mickey-D's big Macs worth of cash on school I've decided to review what I've learned... today.
1) I can get from my house to the University in twenty-four minutes, if you can beat my time let me know and promise to lend me the monkey-navigated-jet-powered-rocket-sled you did it with. Oh, and that was during the noon hour rush, if there weren't so many stupid cars on the road I could have done it faster, or snow...
2) I can go without sleep, food, and survive entirely on Chai-lattes. I'm pretty sure it has cream, honey, and some kinda herbs in it so it MUST be good for me. Mmmm, I could use one right now...
3) Working forty-plus hours a week during finals makes you see things, but the upside is Morty is fun to talk to.
4) The guy who works in the Timm's Center Car park won't shut up, or can't. I'm trying to rush to my Phil class to drop off an essay due at eleven (FYI this is now 12:30ish), after I've told him that I'm dropping off an essay late and all he can do is stand around and try to explain why I shouldn't be so worried that it's late. SHUT UP!!! GAH!!! Oh, and I love having a car that fits into 'small car' stalls.
5) I can't read, and thankfully neither can my Philsophy Prof as the due date, while he stressed it was due at 11:00am or when the exam would have taken place, actually said 11:00pm in bold on the exam sheet. He emailed me permission to laugh at the blunder. This would have been nice to know after I became violently ill and remained so through my entire Biochemistry final at the thought that I've flunked one of the easiest courses I've taken.
And finally:
6) I will kill the next person who hums, twitches, wears perfume, or erases excessively during any final exam. DEAD!
Well that about sums it up and I should probably get to that English paper. Sigh, well I hope I brought y'all some laughs or at least postoned your studying, it was the least I could do. Wait, the least I could do is nothing, so no, it wasn't the least, but close. Yes. I hope to see everyone when the madness is over and I return to a normal state of functioning. Oh, and one more thing, is a heartrate of 126bpm normal? I think that's where I was sitting for most of the day and while I play a doctor on tv, I'm not actually one yet so I wasn't sure if I should carry my own defibrulator around or not.
Okay, that's it, really, done, fini, no more, nada, neltch, nippo.