2:11 AM
Why 2:11 AM? That's what time it is right now. Three hours until I have to be up for work, and I'm no closer to falling asleep then I was six hours ago. I'm miserable. Really miserable. I like to think that I'm a fairly cheerful person, I can even hide it well when I want to, but right now, in the middle of the night, seeing as how I'm not about to fall asleep anytime soon, I may as well vent. For those of you who are going to respond... 'oh, poor Carly! Hugz**', don't worry about it. Once I've regained some of my senses and composure, I'll be fine, you've just caught me in that rare moment of weakness.
It started last Friday. I had no time last weekend to, er, 'visit' my Mom on Mother's Day, so I stopped by on Friday night to drop off flowers. For the past four years, nothing. I go, drop them off, and leave, this time was different. I don't know why. I ended up staying for over an hour, mostly just sitting in the car, maybe it was because I didn't have to be all brave for anyone, but for the first time in a long time I kinda broke down.
The next day I got dumped. I felt it coming, but after one year of falling in love with someone, he left me over the phone. It wasn't the closure I wanted, and I know that deep down it had to happen like that, or it was easiest for one of us that it did, but you start to wonder how awful you must be if the guy that loves you so much, can't even say goodbye in person.
After that I caught whatever my Dad has and became quite ill, unfortunately since there are only three of us really working at my one job, I still work everyday and have no time off. Yipee. Oh, and since my no 'Ex' works in the mall, I still get to see him on occasion, which is always awesome when you're trying not to be miserable while serving customers.
On Tuesday I said goodbye to Celeste, one of my bestest buddies who is always there to help me through rough patches, for the next six weeks as she'll be working in a hospital in Africa. I'm glad she's going, worried as anything, but I know this is something she needs to do. Of all the people I can talk to, I think she's one of the very few I've cried to.
On Thursday I lost my voice. It's great, people are jerks so as soon as you start trying to whisper to them because that's all you can do, they whisper back to mock you, or interrupt you, or become very annoyed and keep demanding to know why you don't speak up. I can't use the drive-through, be heard anywhere busy, sing along to songs, or even use the phone. Oh, Dave if you're reading this, I was trying to set up karaoking on Sunday night, I think most people can come, everyone is invited, but I can't call anyone now to ask because they can't hear me. Woohoo. You can imagine how my Budget buddies had a field day with this.
Yesterday, Friday, while feeling yucky at work, I found out that one of my co-workers does nothing. He actually took a truck and dissappeared to pick up parts for his Mustang. This was especially great because we were busy and I'm unable to talk to customers. At about two in the afternoon I noticed some black smoke in the sky and would even point this out to another co-worker, wondering what was on fire. My Dad informed me, last night at about 11:00, that it had been my Church, which isn't there so much now.
Today, in about fourteen hours, I have to go to my cousin's wedding, on the evil side of my family. Quick history lesson: after my two cousins had to be hospitalized for anorexia, my Grandma kindly pointed out that I was getting chubby, and should try to lose weight. Or of course there's the ever popular: they'll move me anywhere I want and pay for school if I pretty much stop talking to my Dad and brother. Oh, and after that I'm supposed to go to a birthday... the surprise is that someone really hates me there. Oh waht fun it will be. I love being used.
Oh, and as for my brother... he totalled his truck. For those of you keeping track, this would be his second vehicle, and he's moved on to his third motorcycle.
I guess that about does it. I don't think anything is going wrong... oh, one more thing, I have my first work evaluation today. I get to sit in a meeting with my boss and he'll ask me all sorts of fun questions. His only real comment about me yeasterday was, 'Boy, Carly sure is quiet today.' Should be fun.
Now if you'll excuse me, I think that I'm going to go throw up, but thanks to this whole situation it won't be much because I have absolutely no appetite... hey, maybe this time my Grandma won't complain so much about me gaining weight.
ranted by Carly at 2:11 AM
7 Comments:
Wow, you've pretty much had the crappiest of crappy weeks. Unfortunately, I am not much in the know on the whole Mother's Day visiting thing. My friend Cass lost her Mom last September, and she took her Mom flowers and a beer for Mother's Day. I sent mine flowers cuz I pretty much bailed on her birthday ("Hi, Happy Birthday, calling now cuz I'll be in the lab until late." on the answering machine.)
I'm still not sure whether you're happy you're now single, or not. If you want him dead, I know people. If you wanna make him jealous by making out with him, I know people. If you wanna go sing sappy love songs are karaoke - when you have your voice back - I know people.
Being sick sux. I hate it and any time my body thinks it's gonna pull that crap on me, we have words. I'll deal with the mind-splitting migraines, the bum knees, and the bad eyes. Just don't make me sniffle.
Not being able to talk can be good if you're a waitress - I've gotten sympathy tips b4 cuz people feel sorry for me having to work when I should be at home, eating chicken soup and reading sappy romance novels.
I am sure Cel will be OK. She has to be, or we'll all kill her. I don't know her very well, but she's always been super nice, and thus I do not want anyone to hurt her. I know a guy with access to planes and bombs, so if she gets hurt, we'll get revenge. I know it sux when your best friends move away (coughSheaandJaycough), but at least I can still call them or email them.
My co-workers need to be fired. At least one annoying little twerpy hostess named Tanis. Her job isn't that hard, but she doesn't do it. Hence I tipped her out half a percent. Useless!
I'm sorry your church burned down. That's really bad. Being a non-church-goer (except Christmas eve), I shall have to liken this to West Ed burning down. I would be heart broken, so I imagine you're quite upset too. Hopefully they get it rebuilt soon. I'm actually being sincere here, in case it sounds like I'm not.
Sorry your Grandma's a jerk. Family can be a real pain. But a wise person once said (as quoted to me by my Mommy) "Family are the people you're stuck with, friends are the family you choose". Tell your Grandma that you're moving to New York and becoming a Porn Star by the name of Svetlana. And make sure you have a camera for her reaction.
I'm sure your review will go fine! How can anyone not love you? Or at least fall for that sweet innocent act?
Anyway, in conclusion: life sux, a lot. You're having lots of suckiness, and not the fun kind. But things will get better. And on July 17th, we have tix in the 21st row on the floor. Kate will give you a shoulder ride so you can see the stage.
14 May, 2005 03:26
You're right, I am gutless. I'm gutless because I couldn't bring myself to facing her because I know that once I started to see her cry I wouldn't want to break up with her anymore, even though we both know it's for the best. You didn't want to be with me anymore Carly, so I gave you what you wanted, but were too afraid to do yourself. You want me dead Kate? You want to make death threats? I try and make Carly as happy as possible, and I do the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. You think it was easy for me to break up with you? I wanted to marry you, I wanted to have a future with you, and I know you didn't want any of that. You're going to busy with your career for the next how many years, and you know that wouldn't be fair to me, as you've said many a time. I love how you guys are making me out to be the bad guy. Thanks Carly, I tried to make you as happy as I could. I put your happiness before my own. Thanks for defending me from your friends who would love nothing better to see me dead.
14 May, 2005 17:33
I have to post my thoughts too, since I know all parties quite well, and also because I am Ryan's closest confidante.
Ryan has put tremendous effort into this relationship, and yes, he loves Carly dearly.
The problem was that they weren't ready for what they had. Ryan is done school, kicking back enjoying the simple life, taking the slow-and-steady route to where he belongs in this world. Carly is in big-time career mode, working her butt off to make a great life for herself.
Unfortunately Ryan wanted a serious relationship and Carly wanted to do homework, which is fair.
Problem is, if both people aren't ready to make the commitment, it's doomed to fail.
If it was later in life and Carly was done school, then things surely would have ended differently.
Take it from me, the one who knows Ryan better than anyone else, he tried his best for a year to make it work but ultimately realized he couldn't hold out another seven years while Carly went to medical school.
So, in closing, instead of throwing taunts and threats, perhaps show a little compassion as both Ryan and Carly couln't have what they wanted most: Each other.
14 May, 2005 18:46
Ryan, I can assure you that neither Kate nor I WANT you dead. The gist of our comments were that we're here for Carly, no matter what she needs. She is our friend, and we care about her. If hating you is what she needs, then we'll support her in that. It's what friends do for each other.
15 May, 2005 02:45
I love you Carly.
I hope things get better.
Crazed family is fun, I like Kim's idea. When it doubt, tell everyone you've become a pornstar.
I would have told you guys I was going to become a pronstar in Winnipeg, but who would believe me?
Please take care of yourself. By the way, incase you've forgotten, you are a little hottie.Any one tell you otherwise, I will punch them.
Perhaps we could bring Trogdor in on this?
15 May, 2005 12:03
Wow, the comment's were quite the thrill ride. I mean, you're all right... except for the worst week ever. I had a lot of time to think about it and I'm pretty sure that this sits at number three. I don't know what to say about any of it. I mean I can understand my friends coming to my aid, but Ryan, if you are reading this, I will always love you, that part won't change. I'm better though, for those of you who think that I'm going to have a nervous breakdown or are worried I may do something stupid - I won't.
My voice is mostly back, my family is awful, but I don't see them much, I lost two points out of 230 on my performance contract, my church is only missing a middle (it's kinda cool, looks like a missile went through the center) but is fixable, Mother's day is 350 days away, and as far as relationships... that's still going to take time. The rest will work out, it always does.
And as for 'hugz', it's really just a pacifier for those who don't know what else to do. Sorry Kate. I mean, if it makes you feel better, power to you, and that's awesome, but ask a guy if they want a hug, and not so much.
Well that about shuts me up. Until next time this is Carly saying... um, I wish I was in Hawaii.
16 May, 2005 13:54
Come to Winnipeg, we have a 90+% less people here who are related to you. Rent's cheap and theres a giant "perimeter" highway that sorrounds the city. That's code for: Motor speedway!
Come on! you'd love it. There's like no cops on the entire thing.
16 May, 2005 14:12
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