Let's give it up for the Carnies

I think that's how you spell Carnies, carnys, carneys, eh, you get the idea. I know my spell check will yell at me no matter how I spell it. Carneys, that looks right, okay...

LET'S HEAR IT FOR CARNEYS

Whether you make fun of their personal hygiene, appearance, or intelligence, you really have to take a step back and admire the people who so eagerly bring character to carnivals, they (quite literally) put the carni in carnival. Carni is really wrong. Whatever.

These talented folks are who we entrust our lives with on life threatening rides after only hours of training. I mean if I handed car keys to a twelve year old and expected them to cab me downtown after a day, I'm guessing it wouldn't go over so well. In fact I don't trust some people with years of experience, let alone hours. Oh, and don't give me that "rides aren't life threatening, and Carly, you're kinda a drama queen", because they are. I was on this stupid thing two years ago and it sort of swung off its central axis and it took half an hour to realign so that we wouldn't all get our heads chopped off by a big metal post. Personally I can imagine at least three and a half better ways to die, thus being decapitated by a spinning ride is not in my plans.

Next come the games and contests. Think about all the money you've spent over the years because deep down you thought you could knock over the cans. It looks easy, hit cans with a ball, that's it. Instead try this at home: stack up cans in the garage, keep throwing balls at the beer-a-mid until it falls over, proceed to your nearest Walmart and buy a really big stuffed toy for less then half the price of what it would cost you to win the pity prize, repeat until satisfied. There. But no, instead we ALL get conned in, year after year, foolishly believing it to be easy, possible, and not what-so-ever crooked. This is my same idea about casinos. Gah. But as you can see with their siren song over the crappy 'treble-only' tin can speakers, they draw you in time and time again.

Oh, and it gets better. Say that instead of spending your life savings, or attempting to win an early death on one of the rides, you decide to stroll around the grounds and grab a snack, yes, that too is controlled by the carneys. I'm pretty sure that not one of them has had any training in safe food preparation, and also the food to begin with isn't too safe unless you're privileged enough to carry around your own defibrillator, but you're going to eat it anyway. Yum. I could try to find the nutrition value of you're average corndog, but I'd sooner explain it all in four words: deep fried chocolate bar.

So far I've covered most of what people value most, life, health, money, (and friends/relationships if you bring someone else to this death-trap with you) and shown you how Carneys control it all. But what else do people value that the Carney can ruin? Dignity? Offspring? Or future possibilities of these occurring? Yes, but more importantly our cars, trucks, and fatty-mobiles (SUVS and Minivans). They are also in charge of parking, and as I watched a coworker start his car with a screwdriver today, I realized that I'm terrified as to where they have me park. Not only will Emmy be subjected to door dings and other parking challenged individuals, but also the Silver awesomeness will be susceptible to break-ins and kids with sticky hands. AUGH!

In short, I'm visiting ye olde Edmonton carnival tomorrow, and no, you can't have my stereo when I die.