More is less

Sitting in a car the other day (I know, big surprise, something I wouldn't do at all) and I realized something. The radio is crap. Not just because of the car, but the stations.

My lil' old towne of Edmonton used to have a handful of stations. You never used all of the presets on your stereo quite simply because there wasn't enough stations out there to program in. This was a simplier time. But then somewhere along the way all of the radio stations changed. Some that had played old stuff now played new, and the new stuff got sold and went out of business for a while, and no one listened to the University station, still.

Most recently there was a radio statio, um, baby boom. Three new stations popped up, and made things worse. Stations used to have the happy buffer zone between them, both in the form of Hertz as well as genres. Now... nothing. It's more of an audio smear that exists on the dial, and it's going to need a whole lot of wet naps before anything gets better.

At first, I must admit, I was drawn to the glow of the dial. There was so much selection, radio contests, and a way to avoid commercials all together through a frantic changing of the station. There were all new 'countdowns' and radio personalities. More stations than you can shake a plantshop full of sticks at presented a plethora of choice and a false sense of identity. You could leave the house with only a handful of cds or one mp3 cd and still not grow tired of what your eardrums would be exposed to... then it happened.

As I was saying, I was in a car. I began by listening to the new 'top 40' station only to hear the song 'Oh' on for the millionth time (on a side note, the top 40 stations are required to play any song in the top five at least 90 times per week. That's more than 10 times a day!) and decided to flip over to the old 'top 40' station when, lo and behold, the same song, albeit playing slightly later, was on that station. Stuck by dissapointment I tried the new 'rock' station and heard a Smashing Pumpkins song from before they became crap. Liking the song, I listened for a while, but curiosity got the best of me and I flipped to the old 'rock' station. You guessed it, well unless you are an idiot and still haven't caught on where I'm going with my story, it too was playing the exact same song.

It was great, my four stations became two, and the two also share music played on at least another four stations. Ahh, the smear of music is complete.

My message to djs and radio announcers out there:

WHAT THE CRAP?!?! Yes, what the crap indeed. First off, no one wants to hear how you spent your weekend or partake in any demeaning contests to win crappy prizes. Call my house, don't make me say how great you are, and give me money. You can play all of the commercials that you want, but just, please, SHUT UP!!! I don't listen to talk radio, I listen for music, so I would greatly appreciate you keeping those comments that seem like a good idea to you in your head. You really aren't that funny. The radio 'gags' are so obviously prerecordered, you may as well tape the Late Show and try to pass it off as your own material. Oh, and cut out those stupid phone in questions. Unless you are giving me money to call, I could care less what the person in the car next to me thinks about the sugar-free slurpees at 7-11 enough to have them swerve into me with their car because they are too busy talking on their stupid phone.

Thank you.

And if anyone is going to point out the fact that I think that I'm funny, but really I'm not, and I talk and talk and you could care less, don't visit the site. Instead visit something remotely entertaining and complain about the prevalence of sugar-free drinks in society. Oh, wait... you're the ninth caller... come over to my place right now so I can smack you with a dead wombat in a sweat sock... I mean, give you your prize.