The Family Reunion Da Da Dummmmm

It’s that time of the year, as KFC would tell us it’s a time of picnics and BBQs where all of your family will join hands and sing together completing the great circle of life… but I think that we all know that somehow this magical description of what every family should be excludes every family. Yes, that’s right, it’s the family reunion.

I’m sure that everyone out there has been to at least one, and from experience most people could tell you that it’s a mosquito infested drunken fest put into place to give people a reason to not feel guilty the other 363 days a year that they spend cautiously avoiding any family connections they may have. It’s a good chance to see Uncle Bill between his rehab sessions and pray that this doesn’t affect your future chances at politics, or to see Aunt Nancy’s hellion children who seem to be powered on some kind of fuel consisting entirely of caffeine and evil. You get to see all of those cousins who are ‘excelling’ in every way and of course, are better than you, as well as all of the grandparents who have the bizarre gravitational pull to pinch your cheeks. Yes, ‘tis a magical time, maybe KFC is right.

For those of you who aren’t aware of my situation I have two sides to my family, evil and good. Fortunately this reunion was with the good side so it wasn’t as painful as it could have been. You see once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was going to be wooed by a handsome prince from Egypt with lots of money and a King father in the oil business. He sent her many presents and tried to get her hand in marriage. The Princesses’ best friend got married and she got to meet his brother, a pauper in comparison to the rich prince. The two fell in love and to the anger of the King and Queen, they were married. They had two children, an awesome princess and a special little prince. The two children were happy, and then one day the evil queen asked the awesome princess to move away from home, and not talk to her father or brother, but she would get everything she wanted. The princess was so awesome that she was all, “in yo’ dreams, talk to the hand,” and then kicked her cousins in the teeth, because sometimes people needed to be kicked in the teeth. She then laughed and did a little dance, bestowing her awesomeness to her people, jumped on a dragon and pulled a Rockefeller, which was hard to do on a dragon. The evil Queen was so wacked by this act that her head exploded into a million evil things like spiders with only seven legs, and now she only sees the awesome princess once a year to bestow enchanted K-days tickets to the girl. But this is not about them.

This is about the Good King’s family, who all rock, well mostly. They aren’t all evil and stuff, or at least they’re cool evil, not stupid evil. Anyway, so they all came over to our house as part of a semi-sleep deprived scheme my Dad dreamed up a year ago. But it was good, and I even drank. That’s right, I’ve become a boozehound. It’s pretty bad actually. I had two Mike’s hard lemonades over the three days. My Dad kept bugging me to drink a lot of water in between sips so I didn’t get a hangover. I told him to cram it. It was pretty great. Oh, and I had, get this… TWO DAYS OFF IN A ROW! Yuperonnies, two whole days off. It was incredible. Little sleep was to be had between a new baby and my Dad’s infatuation with Apollo 13 (long story), so much coffee was had, and food. Ugh, too much food, and bocce (I hate bocce ball).

As usual I’m kinda weird and need Carly time, which required careful disappearing acts, so that no one can trace you to your hiding space, having a car helps. Oh, and I got a hat. It’s a great hat, looks like a lampshade and it’s made out of grass.

I guess that’s about the largest disconnected string of ramblings I can piece together this morning. Go out, hug a family, even if it isn’t yours. This is guaranteed to stave off the guilt you may feel for blowing off your own, even if it’s only temporary until your next family reunion.
Off to get me a Mike’s…. just kidding, I need coffee.